Love & Other Stuff



My problem is, I don't think there's an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at medium speed. I either do or I don't. I either like you or I don't. If I don't feel a connection with you, or get "that feeling" instantly, or when I first see you, I never will. I don't think it through, really, which is a good and a bad thing. You don't look before you leap, which is like, 'Yay, this is awesome! Let's not think twice!' And then you're like, 'We used to be flying. Now we're falling. What's happening?

I know this ruins my relationships, or possible ones, and it hurts me in the end. I need to work on this and fix this. I know my worth and what I deserve and that I'm a pretty girl, so I shouldn't rush at all, it's not good. When I rush I normally end up falling fast and hard for a guy, and it's a huge turn off. Guys normally get scared and walk away, which is understandable. I want to take things extremely slow with the next guy. I learned my lesson from experiences with guys that I've had feelings for or talked to only to have everything fall apart. Whoever I end up trying for a relationship next, I'm not going to rush or pressure him. I learned my lesson and want to change my hasty nature.

Exactly what I like in a man:

When there's a really interesting charisma and chemistry involved between us, especially when I can't figure out why, there just is. They usually have a lot to say, and even if they don't, they know how to look at me to say it all. The men I like are thinkers and problem solvers. And the one thing that will always make me fall hard for a guy no matter what is humor. If a guy is funny I will instantly be attracted to him or fall for him. I love to laugh and I love spontaneous men. If you can make me laugh, you've got me.

I think every girl's dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore and settle down.

Moving forward



For the past week, I've been away. I've been working on myself and coming to terms with situations that I can't change.
I've been out of control lately, so it was definitely time to get myself together.

I've forgiven myself for my father's death. That was a huge part in how I've been acting and how depressed I've been.

I've also come to terms with the fact that me and Kenny will never speak again, and I'm okay with that now. Maybe it's for the best so some other man can come along soon, who knows. Life is full of surprises.

I've learned that people come and go, so some people that I was friends with may not be my friend now, its life.

I signed up for classes and I start January 15th, which I am excited about, because then my mind will be occupied and I won't have tons of idle time.

I'm finally working on things and I finally got the help that I needed. I feel so much better and I'm so much happier! I can genuinely say again that I'm honestly happy, confident, and content with myself. I love this feeling.

I'm walking away from all my fears, worries, and problems. I'm leaving behind what and who I don't need. Inhaling the positives, and exhaling the negatives. Happiness, love, and success.