I know I'm going to be up crying about this for weeks, maybe even months. Right now my heart is absolutely broken. I have a pain in my chest and an emptiness in my stomach. I'm trying not to cry so I can be strong for my mom, sisters, and the other people here, but I don't think I can. Hearing everyone downstairs hysterically crying around you is bothering me. Just last night you were here, and now you're dead. Just last night you said my name the way you always do when I come home, "Ahunya-plu-ton-ye." Just less than 12 hours ago you were on the couch snoring obnoxiously loud. You were breathing and living. It doesn't feel real to me, but it is. It's like, I want you to still be here because you deserve to be here. Everyone deserves to be here. I wanted you to see me get married. I wanted you to see your actual daughters get married. I wanted you to see me graduate college. I wanted a lot of things, but I can't even think right now because I'm extremely upset. And this just completely sucks. I'm losing another person that I truely loved and cared about. I've been so happy lately and everything was amazing, and it's like everything's instantly been ripped out from under me. I can't even begin to express my hurt, pain, regrets, fears, and sadness.
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